I was called to be a tired mom.

 

A tired mom is my calling.

 

As  I was looking over our weekly Sunday picture, I noticed I looked so tired. I looked exhausted. When did I become so tired looking?? What happened to that young lady who wanted a job modeling?? Why is it that a mother has the most important job on earth, yet among today's standards, her job is the least appreciated??

 

When you are a mother , your life is given to taking care of people. Children whose wants never seem to cease. Sometimes when your days seem to be completely taken up with cleaning things, dishes and laundry, little nasty snot noses and great big sad tears. Then you wonder about what "fulfillment" is supposed to mean for you. You wonder about being (besides the perfect wife and mother) creative, smart, beautiful. And slowly the dreams you once had seem to disappear when you hear............You mean that's all you do?" That's all?

The meaning of being a mother is endless. A mother is a protector, disciplinarian and friend. A mother is a selfless, loving human who must sacrifice many of their wants and needs for the wants and needs of their children. A mother works hard to make sure their child is equipped with the knowledge, skills and abilities to make it as a competent human being. Being a mother is perhaps the hardest, most rewarding job a woman will ever experience.

I am just learning that in order for me to laugh more, stress less, and have a calmer attitude, I need to give up my prideful side. The side that always thinks about what I lost out on when I became a mother. What are we teaching our children when we act that way?? I am still learning how to be a selfless mom. But I am strongly working on it. I stay reminding myself what my priorities are in life. And my children are defiantly my number one priority.

According to an ancient Jewish proverb, "God could not be everywhere, and therefore He made mothers." I pray my children will one day say "mother put herself on hold as she was raising us. She put us first, always; and she was second." If our calling is to be mothers, let's be mothers with all our hearts--gladly, simply, and humbly. A mothers love will never end.

Be Still My Heart

Be Still My Heart



Oh, my heart!! My heart is so overwhelmed. I just received this picture from Jacks teacher. Instantly started crying. Student of the month!! Wait!? My kid?? My Jack??

 Wow!! This is may Jack!! This is the same kid who kicked and screamed his first 7 weeks of school. Like any other mother who has a child with special needs, I had mixed emotions about him starting school, especially so early. I was terrified for him. But the school does everything in their power to make him feel... safe, comfortable and happy.

 

This is the same little boy who hates going anywhere with a crowd of people. He won't even eat in a restaurant (unless we are the only ones there). But does so great in school. In May he wasn't even talking. Only simple words. Now he can talk in small sentences. And has even started talking at school this month. We may not have it together at home (probably never will).....but he sure has everything together at school. He is able to control himself for nearly 5 hours everyday.

 

This is what progress looks like. Its scary being a parent of a child with learning disabilities , last year I was told by one of his teachers "It’s OK to be scared mom. He's scared, also. But I promise you, everything will be okay. Better than okay. We will do everything in our power to help your child thrive." And that is exactly what this whole school has done for us.

4 kids in sports

All My Kids Play Sports

For the last 5 years I've been a sports mom of four. Yes, you read that right. All four of my kids play sports. Its no easy task to be the parent of young athletes. They are all athletic. Something they sure didn't get from my side of them family.  My life had never included anything athletic. I come from a family who would prefer not to sweat or even run unless we were being chased by Michael Myers. Even then we would probably hide somewhere and pray for the best. For whatever reason God seen it fit to make me the mother of not one, but four really active children. For kids who love playing sports. Baseball, Softball, Tee-ball, Football, Basketball, and Cheerleading. Playing sports is fun. It gives your child something to do and a group to belong to. They have a group of friends that has the same goals and interests.

 

I've just about seen it all when it comes to youth sports. The good, the bad, and the not so nice. For the most part they work hard at it. Practices can be so overwhelming at times for their little bodies. The games can be physically exhausting. The games can either lead to a overjoyed child from a win or a heartbroken child from a one point  lose. They work hard. They work really hard.
 

Mom has it hard also. First its getting all the sports fees paid, signing all the liability papers and getting them turned in to each coach. (They have had Great coaches and they have even had horrible coaches) Shopping for equipment is a bank-braker. Football and Basketball, not so bad. Now Baseball.....that's a different story. Have you ever bought a baseball bat?? They are anywhere from $50(cheap) to $300!! For one bat!! After you have all the supplies on each checklist....that's when the running around beings.

 

We average about 4 practices a week. Sometimes 3, sometimes 6 depending on the weather. 2 to 4 games a week. Getting them to practice or games on time is hectic. Load the van with all their equipment. Don't forget the cooler full of drinks and snacks. Everyone is in the van ready to go when all of the sudden someone had to pee.......someone forgot their cleats. Getting them where they are supposed to be on time is a absolute nightmare. We spend more time in the van going from point A to point B than we do at the actual game.

I’m constantly thinking how are we going to manage, how am I going to get them there on time and how in the heck am I going to afford all of this!! But you stick with it all. Because they like it. They want to play sports. Because the joy they recive from one win is so great. Because you love when they wave and yell "mom" from the field. Because you are proud of them all. Mothers are the backbone of sports teams.

The time we ALMOST had a night

TICKETS TO SEE CLAY WALKER

 

We almost had a night out. But then almost doesn't count. Six tickets to see Clay Walker live at Lady Luck casino. (Whose real name is Ernest Clayton Walker, Jr) Must be 21 to attend. The excitement sit in. I couldn't tell you the last time we went out as on a date Adults (With no kids). So I think excitement was kind of a under statement. Lol. We had a little over a week to plan and fine a sitter for our kids. Let me remind you we had 4 kids. You can image how hard it is to find a sitter only giving a weeks notice. Yeah, its pretty hard. We had planned on Molly staying at a friends, Devin and Jack going to their cousins house, and Blake wanted to go stay with his friend. We had a dependable sitter for them all.

 

So Saturday rolls around and to our surprise, We now have one Child with a sitter. 11 hours before the show starts one calls and says her kids are sick and she cant watch Molly. The other got carried away with life and forgot. What are we going to do now?? I spent a few hours trying to find back up sitters. No luck. It just wasn't meant to happen. I posted the tickets online for anyone who wanted them. I had a few people interested but no one ever came to get them.

 

We didn't get to go see Clay Walker. But what happened that night will mean so much more to my children later in life. We had a family movie night. We played games and colored as a family.  

I had a whole conversation with my oldest about *gasp* puberty. I grew up with mostly girls in the house. So that was awkward at first. I knew sooner or later it would happen. He is at the age he is getting hair everywhere and asking about it. Sit down Blake, let's talk. 

 

Supper time rolled around. Devin wanted to help. He begged me to help. The stove top was already full. I had nothing else to cook. I told him to grab a can of peas out of the cabinet. He learned how to cook peas in the microwave. He learned how to measure a tablespoon of butter. He learned a lifetime lesson. 

My youngest son let my cut his hair. Let me remind you he hasnt had a hair cut in about 9 months(he had a self grown mullet). You are probably thinking "what's so special about that?" He has major sensory issues. Just washing his hair with soap is a fight, let alone buzzing it off with clippers. But we took it slow and it took nearly a hour. It happened!! The mullet was finally gone. 

 

Molly, my sweet Molly. 10 o'clock rolls around and she asked me to braid her hair. It's a weekend so why not? We can all sleep in tomorrow morning. Not only did she get to have her hair braided. She learned how to braid. So she braided her own hair. Needless to say every doll in the house has braids. She even tried to braid the dogs hair. 

 

After bedtime stories and prayers I crawled into bed with 6 tickets (planning to throw them in the trash as I walked by can)As I cling tightly to them, I thought, I have 6 tickets that remind me of the time I "almost" meet Clay Walker. 6 tickets to remind me I am mom of 4, so going out isn't much of a option. 6 tickets to remind of the time I "almost" had a babysitter. 6 tickets to remind me that we will probably never get this opportunity again. 

Then I realized my kids won't remember that time we dropped them off at a sitters house to go see Clay Walker. They will remember all the memories we made on the night momma and daddy spent with them. After all the favorite memories are never planned at all.
It’s no mistake that God gave us the gift of memory. I think the most important way to build memories is spending time with your kids.  
What better way to show your love for your kids than to give them your time and make memories. Our Father in Heaven is the same way. His desire to commune with us is a mirror into the importance of parents spending time with their children. Can you remember a time when God’s presence was so real that the only thing you wanted to do all day was to stay there? In that moment, you made a memory with the Lord.

I need to frame theses. I think this Friday I will. Not as a reminder of what we missed but a reminder of what we could have missed if we would have went.



"I AM 1 IN 4"

Once again we have lost another pregnancy.

Okay, it’s been a long time since I’ve written, and a lot of crazy stuff has happened, some good, some bad. Anyways, I knew that one day I'd write this blog. 7 confirmed pregnancy test. But only 4 births. Yes, I'm the mother of 7 beautiful children. I am blessed with children here on earth, and I'm blessed to have children in Heaven. I am 1 in 4. I'm opening up a part of my heart to the world that I've kept closed too long.

On May 15th( a day after my birthday)I found out I was pregnant a day after I missed my period. For the record weren't trying, and I was scared and confused about my feelings. I'll be honest I was terrified. We already had 4. Michael was okay with the thought of having another. I cried. We really didn't need another one at the time. That first night I went to bed crying with Michaels hand rubbing my belly and telling me everything was gonna be fine. Shortly afterwards I found myself looking at baby clothes, and We were even discussing names. The excitement was starting to really kick in.
 

Then one July day I went to the emergency room with strong pain and bleeding. I was sitting in the waiting room and started bleeding everywhere. To the point they had to call for clean up. I remember asking God to either stop the bleeding or just hurry up and take the baby, I had already had enough with a miscarriage a few years before. Finally we got called back. They had me pee in a cup and put on a hospital gown, the whole work up. Then they took me for a scan.

I was rolled into the ultrasound technician’s room and he placed the cold ultrasound probe on my small pregnant bump. For about 5 minutes he pushed buttons, took measurements, but didn't say a thing to me. I was getting irritated and asked him if everything was alright. He said I had to talk to my doctor. My heart sank. He squinted at the screen. He said he would be right back. I think I knew deep down after all the pain and blood there would be nothing there. I laid on that hospital bed it seemed like 30 long minutes before anyone came and rolled me back to my room. I sit hand in hand with Michael just looking at the door knowing the enormous possibility that we lost our baby. Then the door handle moved. That's when the ER doctor came in to give me my results. "I am so sorry but we found no heartbeat." Words that will forever haunt me. The flood of tears ran down.  Part of me actually felt very emotionless. I felt numb. I felt betrayed, once again, by my body. We lost our baby. I lost another baby. Was it a boy or girl?? Was it my fault?? What did I do wrong??

At home I climbed into bed. I cried and I felt pure GUILT. I am MOM. I am supposed to protect my child. I cried and cried. I laid in bed most of the day and then got up to to take a shower. I know it’s strange, but the shower is where I go whenever I am really upset or hurt. It makes me feel better and is a good place to pray and be alone. I remember sitting there in the tub letting the shower water run all over my head, crying and wondering why this had happened. What did I do?? Why did God allow this to happen once again?? I was upset with God. I felt  like God had given me something and then changed his mind.

 It was then that I remembered a verse from the Bible: “…the Lord gave and the lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord” (Job 1:21). I realized that God had given me this baby, He could also choose to take it home to be with Him if that was His will. I had a sudden peace at the thought.

More than one in seven pregnancies result in miscarriage. Miscarriage seems so rare until you find out it isn't and for that reason alone people should know that it CAN HAPPEN TO ANYONE. I am 27and have had no surgeries or medical complications in my life and still, I went through this 3 times.                   
 

Sadly miscarriage is one of the most common and significant losses in a woman’s life, yet no one talks about it, no one openly discusses it and no one understands it. Sharing stories of miscarriage often helps those who are grieving heal, and those who may be in the midst feel connected.
 

 Sources vary, but many estimate that approximately 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage; and some estimates are as high as 1 in 3. If you include loss that occurs before a positive pregnancy test, some estimate that 40% of all conceptions result in loss. 

Although statistics can vary slightly from one source to the next, here is a general account (based primarily on information provided by the March of Dimes) of the frequency of miscarriages in the United States:

•       There are about 4.4 million confirmed pregnancies in the U.S. every year.
•       900,000 to 1 million of those end in pregnancy losses EVERY year.
•       More than 500,000 pregnancies each year end in miscarriage (occurring during the first 20 weeks).
•       Approximately 26,000 end in stillbirth (considered stillbirth after 20 weeks)
•       Approximately 19,000 end in infant death during the first month.
•       Approximately 39,000 end in infant death during the first year.
•       Approximately 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage; some estimates are as high as 1 in 3. If you include loss that occurs before a positive pregnancy test, some estimate that 40% of all conceptions result in loss.
•       Approximately 75% of all miscarriages occur in the first trimester.
•       An estimated 80% of all miscarriages are single miscarriages.  The vast majority of women suffering one miscarriage can expect to have a normal pregnancy next time.
•       An estimated 19% of the adult population has experienced the death of a child (this includes miscarriages through adult-aged children).

To the man who let her go.

To the man who let her go,
Thank you. Thank you for walking out of her life, for leaving her. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to love her, do things that would make her happy, to really keep her. Thank you for hurting her. If not, she wouldn’t have learned something valuable. I will try my best to not cause her pain, for it hurts me to see her cry. I will do all the things you failed to do for her like be there for her when she feels so alone, prioritize her and not make her feel like she is just an option, listen to her stories, rants and complaints no matter how bizarre or cliché they might be. Give her time and affection even when she is not asking for it. I will take care of the girl you failed to appreciate. I will love the girl you took for granted. I will do anything to keep her and make her stay. I will love her for all that she is, and will support her in anything that she wants to be. I will be the partner you failed to become for her. I will be the man who will never make the same mistake that you did. I will never let her go.

Credits: Ryan March