The Best Of Both Worlds

The Best Of Both Worlds

 This was a hard post. This was a hard picture, a picture that has been a long time coming. It has taken nearly 7 years to get to this point. 4 parents at games and events. We communicate more about the kids. We still don’t always see eye to eye. No where near 100% yet......... it's a work in progress. We are not in love. A lot of the time we don't agree. We are NOT and will NEVER th

e best of friends. Most of the time we can't even even stand to be around each other. But you know what we are??

 
We are their family. We are forever connected because of our children. They deserve to have a relationship with their mother, father, and step parents regardless of how you feel about the other party. Once you have kids together you become a family. No marriage license/divorce certificate will ever change that. Once you are with someone with kids you become part of their family. There will be times all 4 if you will be at one event. Be civil. Even though this is difficult, don't give up. Your continued effort to be civil with your ex benefits all of your children. It lowers their stress level and allows them to be confident in their perception of the future. And with time, communication between you will get easier. 

The greatest gift divorced parents can give their children is the sense that they’re still a family and for them to see that the new spouse's are also a part of that family. It hasn’t been easy and will continue to require work on everyone’s part. Y'all need to understand that your children love all of you. They want you all to be happy in your grown up lives. Most of all they will be troubled when you fight in front of them. Keep your disagreements between yourselves. We can make this what we want to. There are no rules or limits. The building blocks for your child’s future relationships start at home. Think about this and act accordingly, for you are all important factors in the child's life.

Kids in a love Triangle

*KIDS STUCK IN A LOVE TRIANGLE*

 

PLEASE LISTEN TO THE SONG BELOW

 

https://youtu.be/7FUVdTEQxu8

 



This song.....oh this song!!!! Today is such a emotional day. I burst into tears when this came on. It's their visitation with their daddy this weekend. I never imagined that I would be that mom. That DIVORCED mom who has to basically share her children. I knew first hand that growing up with divorced parents is not something I wanted for my children. Children get caught in a triangle.

 

 But here we are. Jackson running through the house looking for big brother Blake to help him with a game. I didn't want this life for them. Jackson asking why he can't go Memaws with them. I didn't want this life for them. My children only being kissed by one parent every night. I didn't want that for them. I didn't want them bringing him school projects of their family and having to explain to their friends why they have one mom but two drawings of dads in the picture when they ask. And that they have a sister but she don't live with them. I don't like waking up to check on my kids and them not be there. I don't like that one or two Sundays a month when they are not in church on Sunday morning.

 

It's this feeling of failing as a parent. But you(I) have NOT failed!!!! All families have problems. Divorce is just one problem that some of us have. Marriage is like a rope. Some are strong and some are so weak that they break. Then there is kids. Children are diamonds that will last forever. With strong influence from both parents, your children will absolutely sparkle. You have lost a marriage, not your children. Not the ability to be a GREAT mother.

 

 Your marriage doesn't determine your abilities to be good parents period. If anything, your ability to remain a good mom or dad throughout stress and heartache of a divorce should make you that much proud. Parents if you are going through divorce, don’t waste time worrying about how divorce will affect your children and instead pour all of that energy into self-control and self-awareness as you raise them. Keep negative words and thoughts between the adults. Your kids are like a little dry sponge, soaking up everything that you put out.

 

 Their grown hearts will be full of the things they hear as children. And their future will be shaped by the decisions you make. You as their parents hold their future in your hands.If you are a parent who is committed to creating stable environment for your kids....then they will be fine. At least as fine as everyone else’s kids in todays world. Lol.

I was called to be a tired mom.

 

A tired mom is my calling.

 

As  I was looking over our weekly Sunday picture, I noticed I looked so tired. I looked exhausted. When did I become so tired looking?? What happened to that young lady who wanted a job modeling?? Why is it that a mother has the most important job on earth, yet among today's standards, her job is the least appreciated??

 

When you are a mother , your life is given to taking care of people. Children whose wants never seem to cease. Sometimes when your days seem to be completely taken up with cleaning things, dishes and laundry, little nasty snot noses and great big sad tears. Then you wonder about what "fulfillment" is supposed to mean for you. You wonder about being (besides the perfect wife and mother) creative, smart, beautiful. And slowly the dreams you once had seem to disappear when you hear............You mean that's all you do?" That's all?

The meaning of being a mother is endless. A mother is a protector, disciplinarian and friend. A mother is a selfless, loving human who must sacrifice many of their wants and needs for the wants and needs of their children. A mother works hard to make sure their child is equipped with the knowledge, skills and abilities to make it as a competent human being. Being a mother is perhaps the hardest, most rewarding job a woman will ever experience.

I am just learning that in order for me to laugh more, stress less, and have a calmer attitude, I need to give up my prideful side. The side that always thinks about what I lost out on when I became a mother. What are we teaching our children when we act that way?? I am still learning how to be a selfless mom. But I am strongly working on it. I stay reminding myself what my priorities are in life. And my children are defiantly my number one priority.

According to an ancient Jewish proverb, "God could not be everywhere, and therefore He made mothers." I pray my children will one day say "mother put herself on hold as she was raising us. She put us first, always; and she was second." If our calling is to be mothers, let's be mothers with all our hearts--gladly, simply, and humbly. A mothers love will never end.

Be Still My Heart

Be Still My Heart



Oh, my heart!! My heart is so overwhelmed. I just received this picture from Jacks teacher. Instantly started crying. Student of the month!! Wait!? My kid?? My Jack??

 Wow!! This is may Jack!! This is the same kid who kicked and screamed his first 7 weeks of school. Like any other mother who has a child with special needs, I had mixed emotions about him starting school, especially so early. I was terrified for him. But the school does everything in their power to make him feel... safe, comfortable and happy.

 

This is the same little boy who hates going anywhere with a crowd of people. He won't even eat in a restaurant (unless we are the only ones there). But does so great in school. In May he wasn't even talking. Only simple words. Now he can talk in small sentences. And has even started talking at school this month. We may not have it together at home (probably never will).....but he sure has everything together at school. He is able to control himself for nearly 5 hours everyday.

 

This is what progress looks like. Its scary being a parent of a child with learning disabilities , last year I was told by one of his teachers "It’s OK to be scared mom. He's scared, also. But I promise you, everything will be okay. Better than okay. We will do everything in our power to help your child thrive." And that is exactly what this whole school has done for us.

The time we ALMOST had a night

TICKETS TO SEE CLAY WALKER

 

We almost had a night out. But then almost doesn't count. Six tickets to see Clay Walker live at Lady Luck casino. (Whose real name is Ernest Clayton Walker, Jr) Must be 21 to attend. The excitement sit in. I couldn't tell you the last time we went out as on a date Adults (With no kids). So I think excitement was kind of a under statement. Lol. We had a little over a week to plan and fine a sitter for our kids. Let me remind you we had 4 kids. You can image how hard it is to find a sitter only giving a weeks notice. Yeah, its pretty hard. We had planned on Molly staying at a friends, Devin and Jack going to their cousins house, and Blake wanted to go stay with his friend. We had a dependable sitter for them all.

 

So Saturday rolls around and to our surprise, We now have one Child with a sitter. 11 hours before the show starts one calls and says her kids are sick and she cant watch Molly. The other got carried away with life and forgot. What are we going to do now?? I spent a few hours trying to find back up sitters. No luck. It just wasn't meant to happen. I posted the tickets online for anyone who wanted them. I had a few people interested but no one ever came to get them.

 

We didn't get to go see Clay Walker. But what happened that night will mean so much more to my children later in life. We had a family movie night. We played games and colored as a family.  

I had a whole conversation with my oldest about *gasp* puberty. I grew up with mostly girls in the house. So that was awkward at first. I knew sooner or later it would happen. He is at the age he is getting hair everywhere and asking about it. Sit down Blake, let's talk. 

 

Supper time rolled around. Devin wanted to help. He begged me to help. The stove top was already full. I had nothing else to cook. I told him to grab a can of peas out of the cabinet. He learned how to cook peas in the microwave. He learned how to measure a tablespoon of butter. He learned a lifetime lesson. 

My youngest son let my cut his hair. Let me remind you he hasnt had a hair cut in about 9 months(he had a self grown mullet). You are probably thinking "what's so special about that?" He has major sensory issues. Just washing his hair with soap is a fight, let alone buzzing it off with clippers. But we took it slow and it took nearly a hour. It happened!! The mullet was finally gone. 

 

Molly, my sweet Molly. 10 o'clock rolls around and she asked me to braid her hair. It's a weekend so why not? We can all sleep in tomorrow morning. Not only did she get to have her hair braided. She learned how to braid. So she braided her own hair. Needless to say every doll in the house has braids. She even tried to braid the dogs hair. 

 

After bedtime stories and prayers I crawled into bed with 6 tickets (planning to throw them in the trash as I walked by can)As I cling tightly to them, I thought, I have 6 tickets that remind me of the time I "almost" meet Clay Walker. 6 tickets to remind me I am mom of 4, so going out isn't much of a option. 6 tickets to remind of the time I "almost" had a babysitter. 6 tickets to remind me that we will probably never get this opportunity again. 

Then I realized my kids won't remember that time we dropped them off at a sitters house to go see Clay Walker. They will remember all the memories we made on the night momma and daddy spent with them. After all the favorite memories are never planned at all.
It’s no mistake that God gave us the gift of memory. I think the most important way to build memories is spending time with your kids.  
What better way to show your love for your kids than to give them your time and make memories. Our Father in Heaven is the same way. His desire to commune with us is a mirror into the importance of parents spending time with their children. Can you remember a time when God’s presence was so real that the only thing you wanted to do all day was to stay there? In that moment, you made a memory with the Lord.

I need to frame theses. I think this Friday I will. Not as a reminder of what we missed but a reminder of what we could have missed if we would have went.



Why you shouldnt marry him.

Stop Girl, STOP, Read the signs!!!!

Unfortunately, there aren’t classes in school teaching us how to choose a great romantic partner.  Marriage is a HUGE commitment. It should be for a lifetime. But lets face the facts.......It sometimes ends in divorce. If you are thinking about getting married make sure no signs point to "you shouldn't marry him."  Look for the clues.

 If he cant hold a job girl you better dash . I don’t know about you but I do not want a guy that I have to support. If your boyfriend cannot hold a job, don’t enter into a marriage with him. Of course, we have all had jobs that don’t work out. However, if your boyfriend is being constantly fired or quitting jobs, that deserves some serious consideration. That is probably a big clue to you as to what marriage is going to be like. If he is always lying. I think we could all agree on the fact that any great relationship is based on pure honesty. If you are not able to be straightforward with him and if he has to hide a part of his life from you, the talk about marriage shouldn't even come up. Marriage should be a commitment between two best friends, who hide nothing from each other no matter how awful it may be. If he will lie about something small then he will about the big stuff. 

  If he is controlling. They almost like to 'claim their property' and make it official. His desire for control will only grow from there, he will prevent you from seeing your friends and even family. Proposal should be an act of unconditional love, claiming that you are the one he wants to grow old with.

You don’t trust each other. If one of you is compelled to read the other’s texts and check their Facebook and give the third-degree after a night out, you need to get to the root of why there’s so much snooping. Is it because you truly believe your partner is being shady? Is it his insecurity showing through? Whatever the reason, it’s not a good sign. (And if your partner is constantly checking in on your personal accounts, you could be in an abusive relationship).

If a man is verbally, physically, or mentally abusive . What he does, and not what he says, is what matters here. So, please leave any situation where your mental, emotional, and/or physical well-being is in danger. That also goes for the men who abuse their own bodies by using drugs or drinking too much. If you two fight all the time when you are dating, chances are it'll be 10 times worse when you are married. If you cant work out problems while you are just dating then its best not to marry. If your boyfriend is mean to you. You know that person who insults you and then says they are “joking” and that you’re “too sensitive” when your face turns red and your eyes start filling with tears? Yeah, that person should not be your life partner.

  

If your partner has a history of being a player, leaving a trail of short-lived flings and broken hearts behind him or her, you should definitely think about marrying the person.

 If he cringes whenever he is around your child. Or he screams bloody murder when Sue or Bob touches his laptop or his new Nike shoes. Eventually, you will get the feeling that not only does he hate your children, but he also hates all children! This spells trouble.And a future divorce.

Never marry someone hoping they will change. Marry someone because they already have changed. Not only do you need to reconsider marrying him , you need to reconsider dating him. So, apply these tips into your current relationship and be truthful about who you are, what you need, and your partner. Don’t let the pressure of wanting to tie the knot weigh so heavily on your shoulders that you marry the wrong man.

What makes a man a dad??

"M.O.M"

Mind Of Motherhood

My little girl asked me if she can call my partner daddy. It threw me off guard for a second. We have been together for 5 and 1/2 years. So she was just a baby. She don't remember him ever not being there. I paused. I didn't know how to answer her. So I told her she had a daddy. She said I know daddy is my father, but Michael is my daddy. I asked her "why do you want to called him daddy?"

 Her response is one I will never forget. She said "He kinda is my daddy already, he takes care of me, he hugs and kisses me every day, and always hugs me before he goes to work, and   umh   he tells me he loves me just like he does love Jack, he helps me learn stuff like riding my bike ." I said "is that all Molly?" And she said "No, he buys me clothes, and he makes me doll houses and me laugh, and he lets us watch him play the game, and umh sometimes he spanks us when we are bad like mommys and daddy do , but it don't hurt (then she starts laughing), he takes me to the dr when I am sick, he helps me with my homework, he sings with me in his big truck, and he takes me to school in it to." Then she kissed me and went to her room.

I have contemplated this question, “What makes a man a dad?”  all night after that. In pondering this question the whole time I am comparing two men. One from my past and the One who is my future. One man does not seem to care, He does nothing for them, no financial support, and is so unstable. The other is a stable man who stepped up to care for 3 children not biologically his. He gives his all to my kids, all that any child could ever ask for. He shows them pure love and the appropriate discipline when needed. Molly wants to call him “daddy". I am seeing the heart of a dad. He is  not perfect by no means because no parent is. I know I'm not. But he tries to be the best for them. He gives his all. Some will say making the child makes you a dad. I strongly disagree. An egg and a sperm make a baby. But it don't make you a mom or dad. A dad is more than just helping making the child. A dad provides for his children. He will do what it takes to make sure they are taken care of. A dad loves his kids and tells them daily.

So Who is the real dad here?? What makes a daddy, really a daddy?? I am positive it is not the genetics, it is the heart’s desire to be a father. It is the motivation he gives. Its the love that he gives them. It is the effort he puts in his caring for the well being and the good of our kids. That id what makes a man truly a daddy.



YES, I HAVE 4 KIDS!!

 

 "M.O.M"

Mind Of  Motherhood

 

 

I have four kids, So most assume we:
1. We are Catholic.
2. Like to have sex all the time.

3. That we don't know what birth control is.
 4. We have them to draw in state benefits.

 

Having four kids might seem like a lot to you. I grew up in a family of  ten, so my family still doesn’t seem that big to me. The other day a lady stopped me and said "Are they all yours?' Nope, we just take all the neighborhood kids to the store with us. Lol. We hear "Oh my, you have your hands full", Or "You must stay busy all the time". Strangers have even asked if we planned to have so many kids and if we want more. I smile, thinking that it's really no else's business how many kids we have. I can go on and on. When my kids were little (toddlers), I was exhausted and overwhelmed. (I still am exhausted) I got easily upset, angry, and even annoyed by everyone's comments towards us. My feelings were hurt by the judgment I got.

According to most people the only explanations for having a big family are the ones that I mentioned above. Don't get me wrong, I have no problems with any of those reasons, they just don’t accurately describe us.You can plan for one or two kids. You can set a goal. But a lot of crazy things happen in life and things never turn out exactly like you hoped or planned for. Life is too unexpected for things to fall perfectly into our plans. My personal favorite is ......“You know how this happens don’t you?” I wanted to reply, “Nope, sure don't.” And please don't ever say that to anyone. It's kinda rude. It implies that having four kids is somehow bad, or that me having four kids is somehow weird. Both of which may hold some truth, but it's still rude and hurtful to some. I didn't plan on having three kids by the time I was 20. And I found out we were having "Opps" when I was 22. Four kids by 23! The beauty of being a mom is that no matter how many children you have, they all have love. We don't divide love between them, We multiply it, and it's still whole LOVE. Every single one of our kids has a unique story. I will share each of theirs later on in the blog. If you have no kids or if you have ten kids, you have your story like we have ours. And I realize , now that I am nearing thirty, every journey comes with "opps". They all come with random shocks, laughter, surprises, sadness, and sadly they even come with tragedy. We all have "LIFE" plans, and then inevitably those plans unravel, and by the grace of God somehow things come back together in beautiful and unexpected ways. I had not planned on four kids by 23, but God knew that I needed them. And yes, I post about how they drive me crazy some days. I complain about the way my body  looks after having four kids. But I love my kids and I wouldn't trade any of them for anything.

Now that I am older (wiser as some would say) the rude comments stopped hurting me. Because now I understand how special it is to have a big family. Having four kids is a crazy amount of HARD work. Our life is most defiantly not all sunshine and daisies. At the end of the day we are together and happy. Everyone has a partner when it comes time to play. I love my big family because of all the memories we share. Never has there been a dull moment. Our family is big enough to keep each other company, but small enough to stop chaos in its tracks. And when I tuck my babies into bed at night, I feel so blessed for the family I've been given. I love all four of my kids. We do plan on more.....some day. So my family is only going to get bigger, and anyone that comes around my family has to love the chaos just as much as I do. I have learned how to stay calm in a crazy environment, how to love unconditionally, and most importantly, how to be proud of being a MOTHER OF FOUR!!